Eureka

Sometimes insight is a miracle.

And sometimes those miracles can shape your decisions for the rest of your life.

Like a broken record, I struggle with certain things that play on repeat in my head. I can’t put them aside until they make sense to me. Often these puzzles take mind shifting and different perspectives before the final piece lands in place for me to understand and feel resolution.

But miracle insight is like a lightning bolt. God speaks to me, and I have a sudden Eureka.

This is the story of one Eureka that continues to change my life. It taught me to step up to the plate and accept a challenge.

It occurred in 1989. I was painting portraits for a living. I loved that God had given me the ability since childhood to achieve a likeness, and to create eyes that would follow the viewer around the room. Each portrait felt like a miracle.

That year, an opportunity arose from the art community that scared me. A tragic murder case had been in the news for some time. A judge agreed the trail should be moved out of town. They sent the case four hours from my home to Old Town Alexandria, near D.C. At the time there were no television cameras allowed in court. Here’s where the challenge came. A tv channel contacted me and left a message that several artists recommend me to draw live pictures in court to show on the news. Please contact them right away.

Me?

I prayed. I was scared. Not of going out of town alone, or being in court. I feared having to produce multiple likenesses on the spot. People would watch me. I was used to the quiet or music filled sanctuary of my studio. And what if I messed up? What if I got so nervous I couldn’t do it? My hands could shake so badly I may not be able to guide a pencil or brush. What if my drawings turned out so poorly the station wouldn’t use them? Not to mention most court room scenes are created loose and done with pastels. I paint photorealism with excessive detail in oil. Where did that leave me?

Bible stories of obeying against logic went through my mind. So much obedience. Jochebed putting her precious baby Moses in a basket and floating him down a river. Way scarier than messing up drawings. Abraham leading his beloved son Isaac from home to be sacrificed. The stakes much higher than a poor reputation.

Deep in my spirit, I heard God telling me to say yes, and trust Him. Huh? God knows about oils, acrylics, pastels and jitters? But when I heard that yes, I knew I had to obey because since childhood I’ve always known, I would rather disappoint myself and everyone else than disappoint God and not obey.

I said yes and had a couple of weeks to figure out the medium. I would draw in the courtroom and add loose color with watered down acrylics.

During the trial, the attorneys sought me out at every break to see how I captured them. It seemed to be their favorite stress reliever. They laughingly offered to pay me if I gave them thicker hair in the pictures or created ugliness in the images of the opposing legal team.

Each day I wondered when the jitters would come. They did not. I grounded myself by focusing on replication of what I saw, grateful for my tunnel vision.

The trial itself was a distraction that entered some side door in my brain and I kept track, like I do with music.

As it turned out, the pictures were received with rave reviews.

Driving home, my heart was filled with joy. I had taken on an incredible challenge that I felt totally inept to tackle. I turned up the praise music and sang. I thanked God a hundred ways for calling me to say yes when everything in me said no.

Then one of those miraculous thoughts that I had no way of thinking on my own, flew into my consciousness. I was overwhelmed and pulled off the road. The feeling was so intense that I could not shake it, and I hoped to live in that joyous reality for a bit.

Amid praise, I heard these words so clearly someone in the back seat could have said them. “You’ve always believed in God. Now you know God believes in you.”

The very marrow of my bones felt it. It was a truth that I would not have experienced if I had followed my fear instead of saying yes in faith.

Every challenge after that, advanced education, teaching college classes, speaking to large groups, defending assessments in court, writing and publishing, all of them, I met with that hard won knowledge. I am being given this opportunity and my heart is saying yes because God believes in me.

When I feel called, it does not guarantee success. It could mean there are lessons waiting for me or that I might end up being there for someone else. But often, I get to pull over in life and feel that pulse of pure joy, when I’ve responded with obedience, and know in the depth of my heart that God sees me.

I would love to know how you step out in faith when you are called!